The Culinary Enthusiast's Version of Twilight: Book 1
Ellie
Setting: The town of Forks, founded by the survivors of the Disaster of Chewandswallow.
Local police chief, Charlie is sent a cake by his ex-wife to make up for the whole leaving him thing. Everyone in town knows about the cake, because the town is so boring that the sudden arrival of baked goods is big news. Edward learns about the cake, and proceeds to think about it. A lot.
Edward: Mm, what a delicious cake! I would like to eat the cake, but if I do, there will no longer be cake. Woe is I 1!
Other males: We want to eat the cake, too, because we are devoid of baked goods here in Forks!
Edward spends much of his time breaking into the Charlie's house to stare at the cake.
Alice: I want cake, too, but God! Get a life!... if you steal the cake, can I decorate it?
Edward: SHUT UP, ALICE.
James: It's my cake now!!
Alice: Dude, someone stole your cake.
Edward: Hell to the icinged NO!!!
Alice, Edward, and some other, non-important people steal back the cake and return it to Charlie, who is kind of wondering why everyone is obsessed with his cake. Edward continues to stalk the cake.
Edward: I love you, cake, and I will never, ever eat you.
The cake: says nothing, because cakes don't talk 2.
