Final Fantasy Logic
Brandon g
The Final Fantasy series by Squaresoft has turned into a gaming phenomenon that even non-gamers are aware of. The series helped define the RPG genre, and few RPGs live up to the Final Fantasy games (except other Squaresoft games). As the series and the genre have developed, a peculiar sort of logic has grown with it that is now so engrained that RPGamers don't even question it. For instance, if you were to ask a random man on the street how to get stronger, he would most likely reply: "Go to the gym, of course." But if you were to ask a Final Fantasy player how to get stronger, he or she would say, "Go beat up wolves in the forest for seven hours." It's like a second nature.
A word of warning: the Final Fantasy games are character- and plot-driven. Most of what I have to say here concerns the characters and the plots. If you haven't played a game, and you intend to, you might want to stay away from that section because it will undoubtedly ruin a few surprises for you. I'm eventually going to go through all of the Final Fantasy games and talk about the little FF logic quirks in each of them, but here are some of the basics of Final Fantasy logic that are present in most, if not all, Final Fantasy games.
Everything Carries Money
In the real world, you make money by getting a job or stealing it. In the Final Fantasy world, you make money by killing anything you see. Not only do humans carry money, but so do wolves, rabbits, trees, machines, and in some cases, rocks. Not only that, but they often carry potions, armor, magic rings, or magical crystals as well. I asked a wolf once why he was carrying 300 gold pieces and a magic ring, and it turns out he was "just holding them for a friend." At least, I think that's what he said. It was either that or "woof."
The Future of Medicine is in... Pots!
Potions and other curative items are hidden in every pot in every city in the world. I don't know why, they just are. Also, people don't mind if you take things out of their dressers or closets.
Mystical Power is Entrusted to People Who Haven't a Clue
It never fails in Final Fantasy games. The unassuming troubled teenager who gets mixed up in saving the world ends up being the descendent of some long-lost race of something. And yet, it manages to catch us off guard every time. "No way! I thought he was just a whiny, angsty teenager! But he has magical powers!"
If you ever find yourself somehow trapped in the Final Fantasy world, remember to be nice to everybody, because the most important people in the world usually don't know who they are. If you get your pocket picked by a little orphan boy, be nice to him because he may develop magical powers that could kill you. If you run into an old man with amnesia, don't make fun of him because he may actually be the king of some far-away country. And if you get tangled up in a quest to save the world, you can be sure that everybody you meet will end up being like this.
The Power of Sleep
In the Final Fantasy world, any manner of injury can be cured by taking a nap. Seriously. I tried a few things to see if they would damage my characters beyond the restorative powers of a nap. I tried taking off their clothes and setting them on fire (the characters, not the clothes). I tried dropping large weights onto their heads. I tried shooting them repeatedly with machine guns. Did this hurt my characters? Yes, quite severely. Was it anything a nap couldn't cure? Absolutely not.
There's No Such Thing as a Free Inn
If you're ever, ever, ever offered a free night's stay at an Inn, you can almost be sure that the entire town is about to be destroyed; at the very least, you'll get an attempt one your life. The only exception for this is if you're offered a free stay permanently after saving a town from total destruction, in which case you always get a free stay at the inn. The same thing goes for boat rides.
Prophecies and Amulets
Every prophecy or legend that you hear will end up being 100% true, no matter how outlandish it is and how many people say it's just a legend. If you hear a prophecy about mystic amulets or crystals, you can be sure that you'll be required to gather all of these at some point. Once you gather all of them, the main villain will appear out of nowhere, steal the amulets or crystals, and fulfill one of the prophecies or legends. Don't even try, man.
Gender Roles
Final Fantasy women are usually magic-users. Final Fantasy women also usually have large breasts that they show off in needlessly skimpy clothing. The natural conclusion is that magic power is stored in the breasts. Any middle school boy will tell you this is true. I, however, still have my doubts.
Actually, with a few notable exceptions, Final Fantasy women usually don't have ridiculously large breasts popping out of their clothes. (But then there's Tifa Lockheart... Square, what were you thinking? She can't do a kick-flip with those! Physics simply won't allow it!) In later games, they break the trend of female characters being magic users by throwing in a good mix of strong female fighters—Faris the pirate, Celes Chere, Tifa Lockheart, and Freya Crescent are among the toughest fighters of their respective games.
This isn't really an element of Final Fantasy logic—I just wanted to dispel the myth that Final Fantasy women had more cleavage than character. Although Tifa had quite a lot of cleavage.
