Megaman 6: His First... uh... Boxing Gloves
Brandon g
Capcom finally caved in and answered the demands of Megaman's fans. Megaman was great and all, but fans thought he was lacking something—something like boxing gloves. Rush the Robot Dog has gained the ability to turn into boxing gloves in this game, as well as a jet pack that sits on Megaman's back; however, he's lost the ability to turn into a dog. So really, it's not Rush the Robot Dog anymore—it's just Rush the Boxing Glove Attachment.
Anyway, the game opens with a man named Mr. X sponsoring a robot design contest. Robot scientists from all over the world build ridiculous themed robots and send them proudly to the competition. Mr. X then steals the robots and declares that he's been manipulating that fool, Wily, from the beginning. Mr. X wears the same shoes and pants as Dr. Wily, and he has the same hair. He's also the same height and build as Dr. Wily. However, he appears to be wearing sunglasses and a fake beard. Must be true, I guess.
Unlike previous games, where the evil robot lairs seemed to be built around the robot's themed power, the robot lairs in this game seemed to have been designed before Wily knew which robots they were going to belong to. The results range from comical to downright terrifying, culminating with Flame Man's choice of lair. Hopefully Wily learned his lesson after this game: Don't get someone else to manufacture inferior robots to destroy Megaman for you.
Blizzard Man
Is that seriously a robot on skis? What's his power, beating Megaman in a downhill race? He's like the antagonist in Better Off Dead—when Megaman beats him in the downhill race, he'll get the French chick, and they'll live happily ever after.
You know how in cartoons, someone would start rolling a little snowball down a hill, and by the time it got to the bottom of the hill, it was a raging ball of destruction? That's what Blizzard Man does: he rolls up in a ball and rolls himself at Megaman. His other power involves throwing snowflakes at Megaman. Megaman can take a direct hit from a tank. How the blazes does a snowflake manage to hurt him?
When you think about the proliferation of severe skiing accidents, however, Blizzard Man suddenly seems a lot more dangerous. You know Sonny of Sonny and Cher? That was Blizzard Man's doing. Beware the Blizzard Man, all ye who frequent ski resorts.
Centaur Man
Like a long line of nonsensical robots before him, including robots based on astrological signs and ancient civilizations, Centaur Man is a robot that just doesn't make any sense. He doesn't do anything particularly horsey, like trotting, bucking wildly, or kicking with his hind legs. In fact, he's a virtual clone of Flash Man (and every other clone of Flash Man throughout the series). He freezes Megaman in place and steals any oats on his body.
Horse jokes aside, Centaur Man had some awesome powers. He could freeze time and teleport, he ran very fast, and he had four stomachs. Oh no, wait—that's a cow. But freezing time and teleporting are still some awesome powers.
The very odd thing is that most of Centaur Man's lair seems to be underwater. It's like Wily had planned on having a water-themed robot, but got Centaur Man instead and had to stick him in the evil water lair. Poor Centaur Man. Horses can't even swim.
Flame Man
Yes, that's a turban on his head. Flame Man is the first robot programmed with a strict set of religious beliefs. If that wasn't blatant enough, his lair is a gigantic oil field in the middle of a desert. Not a lot of people know this, but Flame Man's real name is Whoever Designed Me Is A RACIST Man.
Speaking of faulty design, who decided to stick a fire robot in the middle of an oil field? Any fool who knows that oil is highly flammable could tell you that this isn't a good idea. There are little pools of oil in Flame Man's lair that occasionally catch fire, serving as an important reminded of this. Remember, kids—fire is not a toy. Don't do what Flame Man does, or the terrorists win.
Knight Man
They say that a sign of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again, but to expect different results. Wily really had nothing to lose by trying out a Medieval robot master. Nothing to lose except continued humiliation and imprisonment. I guess it's a fair fight, between a robot with a Medieval weapon and a robot WITH A FREAKING GUN IN HIS ARM.
Knight Man's evil lair is actually called the Capital of Science. If I had to pick one robot to not reside in the Capital of Science, it would be the most retrogressive excuse for a robot master ever created. But going through the level, I discovered that there wasn't a whole lot of science to this evil lair. The most dangerous thing in his level is a ceiling covered with spikes. Maybe "Capital of Preserved Prehistoric Science" wouldn't fit in Megaman's travel log. Regardless, Knight Man seems to have made the place his home, mounting swords on the walls in an attempt to get in touch with his roots.
Knight Man would have been a lot more effective if he was programmed to ride Centaur Man around, jousting Megaman instead of trying to hit him with a mace. The horse was invented for a reason, folks, and that reason is jousting. Just imagine Megaman riding his dog, trying to knock one robot master off of another robot master with Yamato Man's spear. The mental images are terrifying.
Plant Man
This is just too silly. The game's official description of him is "Fancier of Flowers." He looks like a prop in an Allegra commercial. I can't be bothered with this.
(I'm trying as hard as I can to avoid the obvious gay jokes. I really am.)
Tomahawk Man
Wily's last robot that was based on an old civilization flopped spectacularly. So why build another one? Well, I think Wily really stumbled onto something with this one: if you base a robot on a civilization of people, it has to be an angry civilization of people.
Wily intentionally took a Native American robot and stuck him in an Old West-themed lair, complete with cowboys. It's no wonder Tomahawk Man is so pissed off--every time he walks around his lair, he's reminded of the atrocities inflicted upon his ancestors (well, the ancestors of those on whom his design is based). It's like walking the Trail of Robot Tears all over again.
Wind Man
Wind Man bears a striking resemblance to Air Man of Megaman 2, but with one key difference: he has two fans. This is twice as many fans as Air Man had. Nevermind that they're a fraction of the size—all that blowing power enables Wind Man to blow as no other robot master has been able to blow before.
Seriously—this robot blows. He's virtually a clone of Air Man, who wasn't very cool to begin with. Next robot...
Yamato Man
What's a Yamato? Is it like a Tomato? His lair is very obviously in Japan. Oh wait—I'll ask the Wikipedia!
The Yamato were the dominant peoples of ancient Japan, and the ancestors of most modern Japanese people. By the Nara period, they had for the most part subdued all non-Yamato peoples of the 3 main islands Honshu, Shikoku, and Kyushu (the Ainu of northern Honshu and Hokkaido were not subdued until much later). Most of the non-Yamato peoples of the 3 main islands were fully integrated by the Kamakura period, though some people believe small populations remained until even the early 20th century in the Japanese Alps and rural Kyushu.
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Seriously, what the hell is a Yamato? Will someone please tell me?
