Captain Planet, Page 2: The Big-Shots
Brandon g
Did you know there's actually a new Captain Planet theme song? I don't know if I could make it any funnier than what the official website already has to say, so here it is. One thing I can tell you, though, is that it's sung by the guy from the B52s.
Captain Planet - Ah, Captain Planet, the star of the show. Seriously, who doesn't love a green mullet? As an environmental superhero who fights pollution (things like smog, toxic waste, and acid rain), he has all the superpowers of nature on his side. His only weakness is exposure to pollutants (things like smog, toxic waste, and acid rain). Is that a good thing? It seems really ecological, and all, but would you send a firefighter into a burning building with clothes made of tissue paper doused in gasoline? It seems like the Planeteers might be better off on their own, because they can take a little bit of pollution and keep right on going. Especially that American kid.
That's the guy that voices Captain Planet. Somehow, he looks exactly as I expected him to. I wonder if he uses "The power is yours!" as a pickup line in bars?
Okay, now check out those clothes. Here's what the website says: "Captain Planet only appears in his Captain Planet garb. These are not clothes but elements of the Earth that are integral to his composition." Ah! So it's okay if his clothes suck—they're integral to his composition! But what about the green mullet? Is that integral to his composition, or is it from his side job as an ecological country singer? Also from the website: "Captain Planet's outfit does not represent a specific culture," not because Captain Planet is crossing cultural boundaries, but because no culture on Earth wants to be associated with that outfit.
Gaia - The spirit of Earth. She was originally voiced by Whoopi Goldberg. How cool is that? I keep hoping it'll be like Sister Act and she'll make all the Planeteers sing "Oh Happy Day," but that has never (to my knowledge) happened on the show.
The website says, "she feels anguish whenever damage is done to the planet, its seas, atmosphere, or any living creatures." Doesn't that seem a little extreme? She seems to be in pretty good cheer, considering how many bad things happen every minute. You'd think she would have killed the American kid by now for setting all kinds of living creatures on fire:
Wheeler: Ow! That little furry thing bit me!
(Wheeler uses his ring to set the furry thing on fire.)
Gaia: Aaargh!! Anguish!
Wheeler: Heh heh... It's not furry anymore.
Gaia: Ohh!! Stop the torment!
And that happens every time you swat a mosquito or step on an ant, too. Gaia has to be the most desensitized person ever.
The Planeteers | The Big-Shots | The Voices
