Commercials that Scar
Anne
I have a shocking confession to make: I don't watch much television. Really, the only time I turn on the ol' flat-faced god is to watch The Daily Show and sigh dreamily over Jon Stewart's massive....wit. And yes, I do like to partake more than ocassionally in the twisted genius of the Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. You're never too old for cartoons—especially cartoons that involve human-sized, anthropomorphic fast food items that solve crime.
But other than those few indulgences, my TV sits cold and unloved on my dresser top for most of the week. I know, I know. Why am I in college if I'm not going to be a proper college student and spend hours at a time staring in dazed adoration of Generically Good-Looking Reality TV Star X, right? To that accusation I say, "Meh." It's true that my lack of exposure to current television does put me a little behind the curve of pop culture, but it does have one benefit: missing all of those crappy commercials.
Oh sure, I know. There are actually some clever, innovative ones out there. But can you name them? Or even if you can name them, can you remember what product they were advertising? My guess is that you, like myself, cannot. Unless you have some strange obsession with memorizing television commercials, in which case, good luck, pal.
No, the problem with really good ads is that you tend to remember the concept rather than the product it was trying to get you to buy. Now, if I know this, surely those big-time advertising executives know this as well, which is the only reason that I can think of for them to purposely turn out such terrible commercials. I guess they figure, "Hey, if we disturb or scar the people of this country deeply, they'll be sure to remember the name of our product!"
Don't believe me? Here, let me give you an example. Do you remember the series of Sub Way ads with the young, fresh-faced employees declaring their love of making sandwiches? Not really?
Okay, but do you remember the series of Quizno's ads that showed a full grown man in business attire suckling hungrily on a she-wolf's teat? And now, even after those ads are no longer on the air, do you find it impossible to purge that horrifying image from your mind? Now that's advertising power! Oh sure, you may never want to eat a Quizno's sub again, but by God you'll remember their product.
Recently, another ad has caught my attention. While not as stultifyingly horrible as the Quizno's ad, I think the latest Burger King commercial has probably left a scar or two on the national psyche. Or at least on my psyche.
If you haven't seen it, let me describe it for you. A man wakes up in the morning to find himself in bed with the Burger King. Or rather, he wakes up next to another man who's wearing tights, a cape and an oversized, smiling likeness of the Burger King on his head. The man appears startled, but the Burger King offers him a delicious breakfast sandwhich and the tension passes in a fit of sit-com style laughter.
My question is this: Who in the hell thought this would be a good idea?
Perhaps it's just me, but if I fell asleep alone in the evening and then woke the next morning to find the giant, smiling likeness of the Burger King next to me, I'd be more than just startled. I'd flip out. I'd scream and knee him in his be-hosed groin before running into the living room and calling the police. I mean, how did he get into that guy's house unnoticed? How long had he been there? And why is he lying in wait to offer a breakfast sandwich to an unsuspecting man?
I'm sorry, I don't care how delicious the breakfast sandwich in question is, that's just creepy and wrong!
In the end, I guess it doesn't matter what I think, since I don't really eat at Burger King anyway. But if I did, I'd like to think that this commercial would make me think twice about it. Oh, man. Actually, maybe I'd better start doing that. I wouldn't want wake up and find the Burger King next to me, waiting.
Dammit. They've won again.
